You're pussy. But I sort of like it.

So this is my last night of drinking anything alcholic. My last day drinking coffee and the such. I'm moving on to the next phase of my life. Phase 2.o3. Or something like that. Basically something I've needed to do since I got on the meds. I actually needed to to do this since I started this whole thang like a year ago. I need to be 100% for the events that are about to come into ma life.

To Da Doodles!

If I only new where I was or what I was doing. The sentence that started this whole shabackle. Everything I do is counterproductive to everything that needs to be done. But maybe it's the countering that's making me as productive as one may think. I have no fucking clue really.

But I do know is that it's truly a neat experience Going to a friends house in New York. Spending the night. Catching the F train back home to get ready for work. Then heading out for the day. To work of course.

And though I never thought I would love a city life I actually really do. I feel at home. I feel this is the kind of place I could be for a bit. An ugly ugly place that's becoming more and more beautiful in its own way than one may think.

New to New York

After having a very scary first two weeks here I thought all was lost for me. Sleeping on the streets and working full time. My boss has been great as to giving me an advance so I could get a hotel a few night but quickly washed itself out. I finally found a place to stay in Brooklyn and have met some really amazing house mates.

So I've been here for three weeks now. I work 50 plus hours. By choice. I love my job. I have no idea how New York will pan out for me but at the moment it's seeming to have a pretty bright future.

I've done way more cooking here than I ever have in my entire life. Meaning I have never cooked before. Every one is enjoying it though so I think I may keep it up. It's nice to have a sense of community here for me.

An Email Letter to My Friend. Circa April 15, 2010. 10:32

I will take this paragraph by paragraph. It's a lot. Everyone has their own take on my life but nobody knows for sure. Cause no one asks me directly. So they know nothing. Booooo them.

I've never had job problems anywhere I've lived. Except Athens. I worked at the airport two years in Colorado. And no. It's hard to do what I do. And leave you. But I just go with the wind. Would you stay somewhere where you couldn't work? No. Cause you aren't when you graduate.

You can't keep me from doing something I have my mind set to. No one can. No matter how irrational it may be. And no I didn't use you. I kept trying to leave. Every time I had money I gave it to you. Even when I had no money. It went to doing something for you. I kept trying to stay at Davids but you wouldn't let me. No one believes me cause the girls are the only ones my friends talk to. Mainly cause I'm never around. Or that no one asks me. I've never convinced any of the girls to back out of there lease. It was them. I was against it. If you only knew the amount of girls that fall in love of me. I hate it. Honestly. But at the same time I like it. It makes me feel wanted. But it's not genuine.

I do fall in "love" rather fast. But it's a two way thing. I feed off the others input. It's more than a month really. Every girl that's attracted to me are not normal. One bit. You are a case in point. I don't manipulate. Entirely. I'm good on my own. I don't need it. We all deserve better. But we take what we can get. I don't want anything. It's not fair to the people who get involved. And it is irresponsible getting into things with girls knowing the things I know about myself.

I didn't cheat on you. I don't do that. Kristin wanted me to but it's not my thing. I can't. I haven't done any drugs since September of '04. Not even up here. I couldn't. It really scares me. I lied about it. When I get depressed I lie about shit. Like with my father. And about telling you about my father? Who knows? I wanted to be honest with you.

Well really you should keep your distance but I won't stop talking to you if you want to still be friends. I can't date you though cause of how I am. I can't really date anyone. Please just use caution when dealing with me.

Love you lots,
James

I've drank just a bit and am heading to bed. I got stuck in Nashville cause of the rain and have been called a pussy bitch for my actions. But the water seems to come in from all angles when cruising at 80-ish. Plus I am tired from the night before. No sleep. Ish.

I had a realization while laying in bed but have swiftly forgoten it. How lame. I am a bit nervous.

I have this money in my account now but will only use it if I'm on the verge of death. At least untill I can figure out what I want to do with it. Otherwise might as well save the crap. Half a million dollars is a bit to squander especaily at this age.

Talking with this receptionist lady at the hotel. She's divorced with kids. And I am am about to drunk chat her up before bed. Love you all and please for the love of god wish me luck on my endeavors!

I don't have a title

Time: Now-ish
Here I am again! Packing my thangs getting ready for another trip. This time? Chicagoland!!! I am pretty excited. I just finished my last assingment at Georgia Cycle Sports Concepts. Built 40 bikes. Four 10 hour days. Killing it! Though I would like to have taken a lot more time on the builds I was a bit pressed on time. So gave time to each bike depending on it's price point. Not the way I like to do it one bit.

Time: 12.30
I just got done going on a bike ride. I haven't riden all winter and boy does it show. My legs and buttocks hurt and I am a bit tired. and I am now preparing for my motorbike ride up to the North. Not just a random ride. A ride to meet these guys and do some bike things at Joie de Velo. I am pretty excited about this. And a bit nervous. But it's the usual jitters I get when I venture off. Getting the bare minimal packed and trying to get some connections to have a place to stay.

Time: For the past week
At the moment I am obsessed with Kesha. I like her crappy pop music and I have no idea why. She's kinda edgy but slutty and I am pretty sure it's a front that the record label wants her to put on to sell music. If not she's just hardcore. And kinda disgusting. But I still listen to her music.....

Time: Later tonight
I'm gonna go through all the things I think I may need and then leave them behind. I'l put oil in the motorbike and fuel it to the top. I'll try to rest but I am sure I will obsess about the trip. I wanna leave at 5 in the morning but don't know the reality of that. I have extra meds just in case something were to happen. Got some cash in my pocket and my skills are getting sharper.

I have nothing

I'm going on another trip. Quit possible my last for a while. I'm taking my motorcycle, heading to the east coast, then up north until it's unbearably cold then back home to start work in Augusta. Hopefully. Start work. I feel like I'm getting a bit cooped up here in this tiny town and seeing that it's getting warmer out side, I would to like stretch my wings for a minute and soak up the sunshine. Vitiman D!

I've been doing some spring cleaning and going through my things and getting rid of last years arrangements to make room for new potentials. Gonna load up bike bike a few belongings and and hit the streets. Check out some bike shops in other cities and maybe gain some insight.

I realized I am who I am and I can not change that. Why would I want to ? I have an amazing life and I am an amazing person. With talents and skills like no other.