This engagement is astrological.

So after spending many nights lying awake on the couch, I do believe I know what I am doing with my money. I can't believe I fought the decision of whether I would even accept the money. It's a huge amount that I don't even consider to be mine. But my ma really wants me to have it. She says I deserve it. But half a million? A couple of thousand, sure. Maybe some here and there when I need it. Yeah. I can see that. But that large amount of money is just far beyond my comprehension.

So what am I doing with the money? Well my mind ran rampant with ideas. Ideas I never new I had. So many ideas it left me tossing about in bed. Night after night. And after having such grandiose idea. Mostly some that were just ridiculous. But I finally whittled it down to some truthful do able and responsible things. Secure.

First I'm investing more than half of it. I sat down with a financial advisor last week and told him what I am OK with . Investing wise. I should hear from him earlier this coming week with several proposals of ways to invest it. If I fail at what I will be attempting with the rest of the money, it would be nice to have a secure back up. For me and my future. And my kids future. If I have any.

Second. I'm going to pay back all the people that has helped me along the way of my life. It's been a very exciting and adventurous life. For all of us. What's the point of having such a gift if you're not gonna share. It's tricky though. I can't just give em cash. But help then in a more rewarding fashion. vague I know but I'll what to do when the times a come.

Third. I am going to start a business. And this was one the thing that kept me up. The ideas I had started modest and pure and had escalated into just a manic mess of do do. But with some talking to some friends and family I had finally carved it down to an actual do able project. Modest one. The original idea. But more firm and final.

Receiving such a large amount of money didn't go well with me cause I didn't feel I had earned it. And though I have struggled and had such a crazy life, most of those endeavors were by choice. No matter how much I deny it. They were. I also didn't want the money cause I didn't feel responsible enough. I know I've been on some meds for about a year now and everything is going fantastic, but I still think I need a bit more time to learn my new self.

I felt I had to do something worth doing with the money. And though I still feel that way I am a little less stressed on the deal. My ma had told me just to have fun with it. But I am a bit more ambitious than that. I can't help it.

So in a nut shell those are my plans. What would you do with half a million dollars?