A huge lotta random thoughts all at once!

Why fight what's in my blood? Why fight who I am and how I do things? I feel like I've been doing this all my life. Like the way I do things is not the way I should be doing them. Just because they don't do it. Maybe I don't feel I will be accepted by some of my peers. Or by peoples parents. Or something.

I don't take into regard that I am my own person and that I should be thinking about myself and what I want. For the most part. Mostly. If I am not happy with myself or how I'm living my life, then how am I expected to make some one else happy? It crushes me sometimes. Me and others around me.

And how is it I want to live? I don't even think I know. I haven't had time to really give it much though. I know I like to travel and move around and I never seem to stay in one place for too long. My mom knows I like this too cause she does the same. But the difference is I don't want to be a dirty train hopping bum. Not that she is. I just went off there. But that's how I feel I think.

I want to travel but not be poor. I want to be with someone but that usually means settling down. And as much as I want to be I just don't think I can. I'm trying. I'm a very unstable guy with an equally unstable life. And that's not by choice. Something is always going on in my life to make it less than normal. People want to trade lives with me. And at times I am totally down.

It's spring time and I'm getting itchy feet to go on a trip. Via motorcycle or hitch hike or the hiking Appalachian trail even sounds nice. Lindsay's parents don't even like me. They haven;t even met me. But for a nice and smart girl like her I can see how they would think I'd interfere.

And for all those wondering. New Orleans was a blast! Spent time with my Ma. Spent 14 hours in the French Quarter. Get a tattoo. Got drunk. Saw some high class strippers at the Penthouse Stripper club. Pictures. Went to the WW2 museum and the NASA space center. Learned a lot about me and where I come from.

So yeah. Back on topic. I feel taking my meds is important cause it keeps me from getting depressed. Which is good. It can be dangerous. But I think I feel the meds will change me. Make me normal. Like a normal person. Living a normal and stable life. To function properly. But it just so happens that I'm not. Well not normal. I'm nice honest and sincere but I don't live in the norm. And as I type this out I am having an epiphany. This is great! I have to go. I'm off to make poopy!