It's up in the air really.

Being down in Albany (Al Biny) for my first bicycle race as a mechanic for team Locos has really opened my eyes. I love traveling and being on the road. This has really brought that back for me too. I feel I actually have a purpose for being out there. Instead of the usual get up and leave hitch hiking attitude I have had in the past. It’s more stable.

I learned a lot about racing this past week end. Strategy. Strenghts and weakness’s. Pain. Hard work and all that other non-sense. It felt great to be there for the guys. And it’s interesting to note how my presence with the team will affect them and how they will perform in up coming events. They haven’t ever had such a “luxury” before.

I really want to be back on the road now. And actually I am. I am on my way to New Orleans with Lindsay. We are going there for a week and visiting my mother in Diamondhead Mississippi. About an hour east of New Orleans. Kind of a harsh week for me though.

I left early Saturday morning, drove all week end, helped the team, got home late Sunday, and pretty much headed back on the road for N.O. Then we have to leave wicked early Friday for me to be back into Athens to leave that night to get the team on the road for Paris-Roubaix in Perry. It’s exciting though. I love it. Adventure and traveling and never knowing where I’m going has always been a big part of my life. I just can’t seem to escape it. But then again, why would I want to?

It was kind of hard coming home this first week end too. After catering to the teams needs for 48 some odd hours straight I thought I could come home and maybe have some one take care of me for a minute. But really I should not expect any such thing. I came home and hung out with Lindsay but she wanted me to tend to her needs but I was entirely too drained. I felt bad. I was expected to make her happy and I should have but I just couldn’t at the moment. I was mentally and physically drained. It made me pretty sad though.

So I yearn for the road. I yearn for the feeling of the unknowing. And though my doctors say I should have more of a structured life, I wonder what all that really entails. Structure for me could mean something completely totally different for someone else. I feel the best out on the road, sleeping in hotels and on couches and in vans. I never really felt I had a home or felt at home in my home. Home.

And what about the money you ask? I realized that I am having an explosion of ideas just flooding my head and that that’s all it is. Ideas. I don’t necessarily need to do anything at the moment. I’m just going to decline the money at the moment until I feel I actually do deserve it. I don’t really need it anyhow. I’ll just keep working and doing what I love the way I love doing it. And we all know how that goes don’t we?