Entry your eyes

So here I am back in Colorado. It has been a while huh? Since like the middle of summer when I was in New York. Battling about bike shop politics and doing things right and not dicking people over.

Now I am back with Jason and Fallon trying to start my own bicycle shop. Like all things I do. Trying i my way.

At times I have no clue what the hell I am doing. My condition gets me going and I am all motivated. Then I hit a wall and slump. Slump. Every slump gets worse and worse. Almost to the point like cars crashing into walls.

And I am a prisoner to this. The thing I have battled for years. The thing that has taken me to new places, towns and cities. The things that confuses me and my actions are unclear to me and myself and mostly any of the 5 friends that can still communicate with me.

I am no longer a normal person. Not with these sounds and stringed together long and short syllables echoing in my head. Or the shit that flows through these walls. Those terrify me. It all frightens me to a point of exhaustion.

I am now a prisoner to these meds, my schedule and pissing of my friends in new ways. Lucky for me I am strong and I can handle people being pissed at me.

And My love life you ask? If you've kept up or read the back log, there has been many women in my life. I don't feel I can trust them or my own feelings for that matter. I look back and realize the mayhem I have caused. Girls who think they can keep up with me. Women that thought they can handle me and take care of me.

With all this how, how the hell did I get so fukcing lovable?